CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
