Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I am available for nakedness
I would fuck him just for his dog
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
