i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
