he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I believe in your delicious
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
