also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
You left your phone here
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