i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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