No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize