just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
