I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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