when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
