Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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