# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
