my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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