i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
