Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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