Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Ketchup is God's man juice
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Randomize
