Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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