hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
