i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
