I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
