thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
