she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
