drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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