Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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