There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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