I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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