Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
