I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
