You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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