I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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