A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
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