these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
