They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
