As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
