Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
