Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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