I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
