Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
