Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
