the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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