Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
