So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
cat food counts as protein by the way
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
