On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
