She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
