She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
