I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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