Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
