I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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