Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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