My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
