Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
