His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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