Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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