he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
he was CRYING into my vagina
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
