She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
