Porn is love you can see.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
