you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I have surprise drugs for everyone
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Sext me about skeletons
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
