I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
