I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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