Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
