it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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