He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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