Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
