Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
