I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
