State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
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