I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
