Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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