i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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