I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
where are my eyebrows?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
