I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
